Oscars 2017!

7:42: Happy Oscars 2017! It is admittedly a different world since last year’s annual live-blog, but life and the Oscars go on and so shall I.

Before we begin, I would like to inform you that I’m on day one of a sugar/carb detox so I may be snarkier than usual. I’m not in the full stages of withdrawal — by this time next week I predict that I will be willing to strangle Ryan Gosling in exchange for a single Cadbury Mini Egg — but it seems appropriate to issue a warning.

My early take on this year’s nominees: I saw and loved Moonlight, Hidden Figures, Arrival and La La Land, and am apparently one of the few outside of the actual Academy who is totally cool with La La Land taking Best Picture. I haven’t yet seen (but plan to add to my endless Netflix queue someday) Manchester by the Sea, Fences, Lion and Hell and High WaterHacksaw Ridge wins this year’s “The Revenant Memorial Best Picture Nominee I Have No Desire To See Ever, Thank You For Asking.”

This year’s most notable red carpet trend appears to be metallic gold lame, because this is Trump’s America now. Also, Kris Jenner is doing fashion commentary on E! so I’m channel surfing for a Law and Order rerun or something to carry me to Jimmy Kimmel’s monologue.

See you at 8:30!

8:26: Before we begin, a moment of silence for the great Bill PaxtonTwister and Apollo 13 were two of the movies of my adolescence — and don’t even get me started on Titanic.

8:30: And we’re live! Apparently we’re starting with a Justin Timberlake performance of his nominated song “Can’t Stop The Feeling.” Let’s be honest: We’ve started way worse. (#HathawayandFranco #NeverForget)

8:31: Are they doing “The Carlton” dance from Fresh Prince of Bel Air or am I having a carb withdrawal-fueled hallucination?

8:32: This song is so freaking catchy. Also, I’m doing the routine set to this song that we do in Jazzercise. It’s a little more cardio-heavy than this evening’s choreography. Not that I’m bragging.

8:34: The only one not dancing is Ryan Gosling, who apparently decided he got all the dancing out of his system while filming La La Land. (more…)