Oscars Live Blog

7:10: I wasn’t going to live-blog the Oscars this year. I’m rusty at blogging, my computer enjoys stalling at crucial moments just to toy with my sanity, and I have a cold and have just come off of a week of intense party planning. So maybe I’ll just lay low and watch from home this year, with Nyquil, leftover birthday cake and beer. (In no particular order.)

Oh hey, did you hear that the Oscars are doing a salute to movie musicals this year, which only happens to be my favorite genre? And there will be real live performances of some of the best movie musical numbers of all time?

Okay, fine. FINE. Damn you, Academy, consider your bait taken.

Back at 8:30 with cake, beer and a quasi-functional laptop. Enjoy the red carpet, b-rollers.

8:30: Ladies and gentlemen, Seth MacFarlane! He makes Tommy Lee Jones laugh on the first attempt! TLJ clearly took his Xanax this evening.

8:31: Annndddd we leap right in to the jokes. Apparently we have to sprint through a monologue to get immediately to the musical numbers.

8:32: A Jean Dujardin joke! It’s a little mean, thank God he barely speaks English.

8:33: Is there a laugh track? The Coppola joke was kinda lame, and yet garnered a huge laugh. I call shenanigans. (Or maybe they installed a laugh track after the Franco/Hathaway debacle.)

8:35: I was expecting a lot of star cameos. I did not see Shatner getting the primo spot. I mean, I’ve seen Shatner recently on ads for local law firms.

8:36: “Why can’t Tina and Amy host everything?” Amen, Shatner. Amen.

8:38: If Channing Tatum doesn’t turn this into a striptease, I WILL BURN THIS PLACE DOWN.

8:40: But damn, I can’t deny a good fox trot.

8:41: I’m ashamed of how much I enjoy sock puppets.

8:42: I would watch Joseph Gordon-Levitt in anything. Which I kinda did in 2012, since he was in every damn movie.

8:46: Maybe not so much with the Joaquin Phoenix cutaways, Oscar director. He’s the only guy who could out-grumpy Tommy Lee.

8:49: Best Supporting Actor goes to Christoph Waltz. I have yet to see Django Unchained, but have the general feeling that this performance was Inglourious Basterds’ Colonel Landa 2.0. Am I wrong, b-rollers?

8:51: Jack Nicholson is wearing his own sunglasses and Pee Wee Herman’s tie. So that is happening. (more…)