Golden Globes Precap

Happy Thursday, b-rollers! The Golden Globes are this Sunday, and if you don’t think that I’ll be live-blogging them – gleefully – than welcome to b-roll for the very first time. This will be my first live-blog since, um, last year’s Golden Globes. So I’ll be a little rusty, maybe. Be kind.

But before the Globes get rolling (Ha! See what I…anyway…), let me tell you who I’m rooting for, and give you my initial thoughts. Here’s the complete list of nominees if you’d like to follow along at home; I was amused to discover that the HFPA (Hollywood Foreign Press Association) included hashtags* so that you can tweet about each category individually – because sometimes, you have a hankering to discuss “Best Screenplay” and nothing else – so in the spirit of the exercise, I’ll use their suggested hashtags, because I’m pretty sure no one else will. #analretentiveoverkillHFPA

*For those wondering “What the hell is a hashtag?” here is a Wikipedia cheat sheet.

#GoldenGlobesDrama (ie, Best Motion Picture – Drama) Wow, I have seen every one of these movies. It’s nice to feel like this opinion will be fully formed, rather than “Eeny, meeny, miny...” I must choose Hugo here, b-rollers, a film I thoroughly loved, faux-nostalgia be damned. A victory for The Help or Moneyball wouldn’t kill me, though; on the flip side, I was let down by both The Descendents and The Ides of March, so I have to vote nay on those. (I just torpedoed my shot at a fling with George Clooney, didn’t I? Dammit.)

#GoldenGlobesDramaActress I’m 2/5 on seeing these performances, so we’re officially in “catch a tiger by the toe” territory. If I had a vote, it would go to The Help‘s Viola Davis, but Meryl Streep will probably win. Although the HFPA loves rising young (pretty) stars, so don’t count out Rooney Mara.

#GoldenGlobesDramaActor Okay, here’s the line-up: Clooney, DiCaprio, Fassbender, Gosling, Pitt. Let’s be honest; no matter who takes the stage, we’re all winners here. Especially if it’s the marvelous and handsome George Clooney. (We cool, George?)

#GoldenGlobesComedyMusical Um, The Artist. The end. (Though I loved Bridesmaids. “Wow, women are funny and go to the movies!” Yes, we are/do! Thanks for not being condescending or anything!) Hey, why is My Week with Marilyn considered a comedy/musical? Michelle Williams sings a song, and I laughed less often at Marilyn than I did at Moneyball or The Help. #brollconfused

#GoldenGlobesComedyMusicalActress Oh, that’s why – so Michelle Williams gets a slam-dunk Golden Globe. Gotcha. Sneakily played, Harvey Weinstein.

#GoldenGlobesComedyMusicalActor As much as I loved Ryan Gosling in Crazy, Stupid, Love. – wait, why isn’t that nominated for #GoldenGlobesComedyMusical? – Jean Dujardin owned the screen in The Artist (and does a damn fine De Niro impression.) Hopefully this gives him some momentum to challenge the big boys.

#GoldenGlobesAnimatedFilm I have only seen one of these films, which makes me feel like such a grown-up until I remind myself that I will absolutely be seeing Beauty and the Beast in 3D this weekend. And…scene. Anyway, the one I saw was Rango, and it was very clever and starred Johnny Depp. Ladies and gents, we have a winner.

#GoldenGlobesForeignLanguage This will shock you, but I have not seen any of these movies. Oh come on, like you have. Well, I hear A Separation is incredible (I very much want to see it, after Beauty and the Beast), so let’s go with that.

#GoldenGlobesSupActress Honestly, flip a coin. I’ve seen all but Janet McTeer in Albert Nobbs, and these ladies were phenomenal. I guess I’ll continue my Artist streak and pick Berenice Bejo; she should win an award for that scene with the tuxedo, if nothing else.

#GoldenGlobesSupActor Hmmm…let’s say Christopher Plummer, who was delightful in Beginners. Awards shows do love to give these supporting prizes as Lifetime Achievement Awards, don’t they?

#GoldenGlobesDirector Well, it has to be the brilliant George Clooney for The Ides of March, right? (Or The Artist‘s Michel Hazanavicius or Hugo‘s Martin Scorsese. Them too.)

#GoldenGlobesScreenplay Okay, there’s someone named “Nat Faxon” in this category. Nat wins on principle. (Also, The Artist. Club, dead horse.)

#GoldenGlobesScore and #GoldenGlobesSong Not to lump all the music together, but have you recently raced home from a movie theater so you could download the score/original song to your iPod? No? Ditto. Just saying.

Okay, you guys, this is getting long. In keeping with the Globes themselves, let’s zip on through the TV categories, okay? (For the record, all of these categories have “TV” in the hashtag, while none of the movie categories have “film” in them. Just so we’re clear on the food chain.)

#GoldenGlobesTVDrama and #GoldenGlobesTVDrama Actress and #GoldenGlobesTVDramaActor See, I’m boycotting all of these categories because Friday Night Lights/Kyle Chandler/Connie Britton are not listed among the nominees. For SHAME, HFPA. Also, these categories are 90% shows I don’t watch, so there’s that. Boardwalk Empire or Game of Thrones probably take the Drama category (prestige, HBO, yadda), and I’d guess Jeremy Irons the Actor (they can never pass up a big name). And if there’s one “take it to the bank” pick of Golden Globes night, it’s Claire Danes for Homeland. Not only is she supposedly amazing in that show, but this category is the “best pretty young actress on TV” award almost every year. Lock it down, people.

#GoldenGlobesTVComedyMusical and #GoldenGlobesTVComedyMusicalActress and #GoldenGlobesTVComedyMusicalActor Now see, this is why these hashtags are asinine; by the time you finish typing #GoldenGlobesTVComedyMusicalActress into a tweet you have about 12 characters left. (And they should be “Amy Poehler.” Yes, I’m on the Parks & Rec bandwagon.) Anyway, anything-but-Glee for best show (yes, I still watch it; no, it’s not that good), and I’ll vote Alec Baldwin for Actor; it’s redundant, but regarding the rest of these nominees…um, what?

#GoldenGlobesTVMiniPic (Best Miniseries or Made for Television Motion Picture. You’re welcome.) Downton Abbey…clap, clap, CLAP CLAP CLAP…DOWNTON ABBEY…

#GoldenGlobesTVMiniPicActress and #GoldenGlobesTVMiniPicActor or Best British Actor/Actress on PBS or HBO. I’ll continue my Downton Abbey flag-waving on behalf of Lord and Lady Grantham, although I’m sure that Kate Winslet will win for Mildred Pierce. I adore her, so I’m okay with that.

#GoldenGlobesTVMiniPicSupActress and #GoldenGlobesTVMiniPicSupActor Congratulations, HFPA, you’ve officially devolved into complete gibberish. (And inaccurate gibberish at that, as these are for series as well as TVMiniPics. Well done.) Anyway. Maggie Smith for Downton Abbey, and I will not accept that there is a close second (“What is a weekend?”). Could someone please inscribe “#TVMiniPicSupActress” on her statue, and then live-stream her reaction? Thank you. As for SupActor, I’ll pick Eric Stonestreet of Modern Family, because I adore his portrayal of Cameron and I am too poor to subscribe to HBO and see the other four performances. So there.

Well! This went on way longer than we thought, but then again, so will the Golden Globes telecast. Tune in with me on Sunday for my live reactions in bite-sized pieces, b-rollers. Until then. (Call me, George.)

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