Do you ever feel like we’ve actually stepped inside the pages of The Onion? Today, I hit my breaking point with society. Follow with me, b-rollers.
Everyone is talking about The Muppets, including me. So, apparently, is Fox Business, which is related to right-wing Fox News, which, full disclosure, I detest because I’m a young Northeast liberal and thus, if you watch Fox News, probably a Communist. Therefore, no wonder I love the Muppets – they’re Communists too! I’m not kidding; this is really a conversation that Fox Business had. They had a debate about it, with graphics and stuff. Because the villain of the movie is an oil baron named Tex Richman – and that’s clearly an assault on capitalism and the hardworking philanthropists at oil companies everywhere – but even more than that, liberals are using the Muppets to indoctrinate the youth of America. How dare we.
Okay, you guys, honest question: Has Darwinism stopped working? We’re talking about a movie featuring puppets. A frog is romantically involved with a pig. Jason Segel’s “brother” is fourteen inches tall and orange. (And we shall call him…Snooki.) Vogue not only has a “plus-sized” section (sure) but has handed over the keys to aforementioned pig (glamazon though she is). In roughly 36 hours, the gang rebuilds a condemned theater and puts on a telethon. Shall we really nitpick?
Not to close the liberal loop here, but remember when President Obama released his birth certificate primarily to silence Donald Trump (oh, if only), then held a press conference and said, “We have more important things to do”? (About four days later bin Laden was killed, so no duh.) I thought that was our societal rock bottom, but apparently there are just so many layers. In these troubled economic times, Fox Business, WE HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO.
Anyway, I’m going to take some deep cleansing breaths. If you’d like to see the video, head over to Entertainment Weekly, where one blogger wrote an ironic post about this. And if you really want to despair for humanity, check out the comments section, where many people were unable to distinguish that the piece was appropriately mocking of the dumbest argument that’s ever been made.
Desk…forehead.
b-roll 
Dear Red Bets:
Gotta admit Tex Richman is a real shot, but that’s the problem with this flick. I really miss Henson and his crew. They were much more subtle in what they did. They could take a joke and play it for an entire movie before dropping the punch line and the new crew can’t. The old crew would have come up with a better name and poor little Fox would have to go back to worrying about people like you taking over the world or at least the fictional world of movies.
v
“Now, comrades, come rally, and the next foe let us face.”