7:31: A delightful Tuesday evening to you, b-rollers! I’m a bit under the weather tonight, but I shall soldier on for you, faithful readers. Back in half an hour!
7:58: Before we open tonight’s show with the traditional mix of creepy lighting, synthesizers and the Seacrest Memorial Staircase, I have to ask: Is there any possible way that Casey survives this week? Any at all? I’m thinking that he could give us a Fantasia-singing-“Summertime” performance and the judges would go into “This can’t happen! Must underplay!” mode. Thoughts?
8:00: I love this roommate exchange to open the show – Texan roommate, hopefully: “Where is Casey from in Texas?” Pennsylvanian roommate: “Texas.” Everything else really is semantics, isn’t it?
8:02: Side note, but didn’t you love how Casey refused to let Ryan pretend he was taller than he really is? As is also evidenced by this conversation, in which Ryan seems like a toddler next to his preschool teacher.
8:03: Strike the earlier sentiment. Casey shall not be giving us a MOMENT (TM). I like the song “Okay, It’s Alright with Me” perfectly fine, but it’s a fun little summer jam, not an Idol Coronation song. We’re looking for a performance a little more in the “Jealous Guy” vein here, Casey.
8:05: Casey’s “just glad to be here” comment to Randy is about right. I didn’t get a “fighting for my life” vibe from that either. Hang on, did I just agree with the Dawg again? For me, for you…
8:06: Simon had three judges’ critiques worth to craft a solid metaphor, and the best he could come up with was “salad”? Seriously? On the upside, the fact that my “what the what is with that song choice?” reaction was echoed by all of the judges makes me feel as if I am eminently qualified to fill Simon’s chair next season. As if we didn’t know this already.
8:10: Okay, so since we’re waiting out this commercial break, I shall ask: Who else is madly excited for tonight’s episode of Glee? NEIL PATRICK HARRIS IS IN THE HOUSE, PEOPLE. And he’s singing Aerosmith and everything. I could not be more delighted. Anywho, back to Idol.
8:11: Crystal singing Melissa Etheridge? J’adore.
8:12: I would’ve forgone the harmonica for two reasons: 1) It looks awkward when she tries to sing around the damn thing; and 2) She didn’t appear to have enough breath to start the song thanks to the opening riff. I don’t think the four harmonica chords were worth it.
8:14: I, um, kinda agree with Randy. Again. I didn’t love the arrangement either. And I also didn’t think she totally nailed it. I feel like a traitor to the MamaSox movement tonight.
8:16: Ryan looked entirely befuddled by Crystal veering into a “I feel good, everyone I love is healthy…” tangent. I don’t think he knows how to react to the news that Idol isn’t the center of the universe. He may need a reboot during the commercial – just FYI, Idol techs.
8:18: Here’s a hint: If you seriously want me to visit the Idol website for videos and interviews, stop showing footage of the singers who were so heinous that the voting audience could not get rid of them fast enough.
8:21: Did those girls scream, “WE LOVE YOU LEE!” to stop him from babbling? Because I can’t say that I blame them.
8:23: This is a “I want to win this, dammit” performance. It’s passionate and not at all pitchy. Excellent choice, Lee.
8:24: All right, I’m tired of channeling the Dawg tonight. Especially because I only have one argyle sweater in my closet, and it is not-at-all ugly.
8:25: Every time Lee speaks, I can’t help but think, “For God’s sake, interrupt him!” Also, waving to his hometown? Really? That was the best he could do? “I love you so much that I shall…WAVE!”
8:28: Either Will.i.am or Wyclef Jean is in a Ritz commercial. I seriously can’t tell which one it is, but whoever it is should be a wee bit embarrassed that they’re in a freaking Ritz commercial.
8:31: So Randy and Kara want Casey to have a MOMENT (TM) and they pick a John Mayer song? Honest to God? Wow, they don’t want him to make it to the finale either, huh?
8:33: If Kara hadn’t already driven home the point that Casey’s audience is women, the pink and lavender lighting scheme ought to do the trick. Subtle. Why doesn’t she just ask him to do a shirtless encore and get it over with?
8:35: And Randy and I disagree for the first time this evening. Yes, it was kinda pretty. It was also rather dull and underwhelming. But apparently Randy and Kara feel obligated to like it, since they chose it.
8:36: I agree with Simon. The arrangement was too “lullaby and goodnight.” Like the rest of the John Mayer catalogue, in my humble opinion.
8:38: “What is iPad?” It’s something that I want irrationally even though I can’t discern a single feature that I can’t already use my laptop for. Sigh.
8:39: We follow a “Dear John is on DVD!” commercial with a “Go see Letters to Juliet in theaters!” commercial. I like Amanda Seyfried and all – I’m a fan of Big Love and will always be up for watching Mamma Mia! on HBO real quick – but at this point her career seems like variations on a theme.
8:42: And we get a lovely shot of Colin Hanks and Bradley Whitford ever-so-slightly dying inside. Hold on tight to your dignity, fellas.
8:43: Was it honestly necessary to hold every contestant’s hometown visit in front of an AT&T store? There weren’t any more interesting locations available? Seriously? New low in sponsor pimping, Idol powers-that-be.
8:45: I actually thought that was a semi-decent song choice, Ellen! Kudos. Of course, you can’t pick a Paul McCartney song that sucks. It’s just not possible.
8:46: So, apparently Simon didn’t realize that Crystal had soul before. Was he napping through “Long As I Can See the Light” and “Me and Bobby McGee”?
8:50: I’m a little underwhelmed by this evening’s “hometown visit” footage. I’m guessing that we’ll get more of it tomorrow night during the hour-long filler prior to Casey’s dismissal, but still – I was hoping for more than just a tour of the nation’s AT&T stores.
8:51: Um, Simon? “Hallelujah” has already been sung this season. I know that a Tim Urban performance doesn’t really count (sorry, Tim), but still. Beating a dead horse, my friend.
8:52: Wow, Lee gets a choir and an iconic song? They really want him to make this a horse race.
8:53: He did a nice job, but I would have preferred the more stripped-down version that he started with. The judges are clapping like he’s already wrapped this thing up. And Simon looks exceedingly pleased with himself.
8:55: I’m not saying that the deck was stacked, but Lee gets “Hallelujah” (one of the top 10 greatest songs ever), Crystal gets a McCartney song (one of the top 10 greatest songwriters ever), and Casey gets a boring John Mayer song (one of the the top 10 greatest public relations disasters ever, even if he did introduce us to the phrase “sexual napalm”). I mean, for God’s sake…
8:57: Lee seems very sweet, but he’s officially inherited Siobhan’s “Not so much with the talking for you, sweetie” mantle.
9:00: So, we head into tonight’s Glee (woot!) with the firm knowledge that Casey is a goner. Poor thing, he never even stood a chance. Until tomorrow, when Justin Bieber performs (sweet Lord, why?!) and we wave goodbye to the hot guy with the poodle haircut. Good night!