8:54: Happy Wednesday, b-rollers! What are the predictions? I’m going with Andrew and Aaron. Or Katie. Or maybe Tim. I dunno, b-rollers, I’m conflicted. Back in 5!
9:00: Yeah, let’s definitely relive the “his wife is waiting to her about their future…” moment from last week. That hopeless pandering was surely a high point in the life of everyone involved.
9:01: I feel that it’s worth mentioning that the Idol behind-the-scenes blog on EW today said that Ryan was even MORE ridiculous than it seemed on television night. Here’s hoping that Ryan’s made a course correction for this evening’s show.
9:03: Oh, sweet God. Didn’t last week’s trampling of the Beatles’ legacy by way of a group medley convince anyone that they shouldn’t do the same thing to the King?
9:04: Hey, I’m actually going to Disney World tomorrow, so this is getting me right in the mood for cheesy lip-synched performances.
9:06: Loved Simon staring at Siobhan as she cozied up like, “and what the hell do you want?”
9:07: We head to commercial with Elvis spinning in his grave. Elvis, on behalf of everyone who just witnessed that, my sincerest apologies.
9:09: An iPad commercial! I vaguely want one for no distinguishable reason. It’s just kinda pretty, no?
9:11: I’m all for more trees, but in the middle of a city street? That’s just treacherous.
9:12: Wow, Ryan, that was a good story. Thanks for telling it.
9:13: This has to be Andrew, right? I mean, c’mon. And not to be late to the party, but who knew Casey was so damn tall? This is like a Sesame Street “one of these things is not like the others” scenario.
9:14: Thanks to Ryan for abruptly stating the obvious and not bringing up that HE IS DOING THIS FOR HIS FAMILY, DAMMIT.
9:16: Lee looks freaking devastated at Andrew’s departure. To the point where everyone at Casa b-roll is saying, “for God’s sake, go to commercial!”
9:18: Rather than “I’m a PC, and Windows 7 was my idea!” shouldn’t Microsoft’s new ad slogan be, “I’m a PC, and I’ve been stealing design ideas from Mac for years!” It’s not as catchy, but it’s infinitely more honest. They should take notes from Burger King on how to co-opt gracefully.
9:20: Sorry, my MacBook just typed that last statement without my help. I think I blacked out for a second.
9:24: Sorry to go silent for a few minutes; it just seems inappropriate to provide snarky commentary while watching video of an orphanage in Africa.
9:26: Wait, Brooke and the guy from If I Can Dream are actually SINGING “If I Can Dream”? This is a little too meta for me.
9:27: I like Brooke (and am lukewarm on Miley’s ex), but neither of them really has the voice for this song. Remember when Elliot sang this back in his day (and he’s there – why the hell isn’t he singing this)? Or when Celine Dion sang it with the Elvis mirage? That was creepy, but at least well-sung.
9:28: Okay, this guy just went from “not a great voice” to “downright dreadful.” Yo, yo, yo – that wasn’t good, dawg.
9:30: This seems like an excellent time to tell you all that I have to be up and leaving for the airport in exactly eight hours, and I have yet to pack a thing. Why do I mention this? No reason. I just feel that you should know.
9:34: Please send Lee and Crystal back to the couches without passing Go or collecting $200. That is all.
9:38: Ryan’s all about stating the obvious early this evening, no? Crystal and Siobhan go back to the couches.
9:39: This is like the weirdest game of “Duck Duck Goose” ever.
9:40: How horrified is the younger generation of Idol fan (both male and female alike) at the Playtex commercial?
9:42: I’m okay with either Tim, Mike or Katie going home. If it were my call though, I’d go with Katie.
9:44: Whoa, a guest performer who can actually sing! I don’t quite know what to do with such a rare and fantastic occurrence.
9:46: I realize they’re going for a smoky laser-show effect, but do the camera operators realize that we cannot see Adam right now? Can someone turn the lights up ever so slightly?
9:47: Even Adam Lambert’s earpieces are bedazzled. Fabulous.
9:49: That was good. I really should buy this album, instead of losing interest after the Idol season is over. Okay, you’ve officially guilted me, Adam. Well played.
9:51: What kind of content is available for 3D televisions right now? Are they really producing any 3D DVDs and television shows (that I’m completely unaware of)? I fail to see the point of spending a ton of money on a 3D TV. Yet.
9:54: And Tim Urban goes back to the couches. Well, he did earn it this week (at least, I thought).
9:55: Okay, I’ve lasted 55 minutes – what the HELL is with Kara’s jacket? She’s about to take flight. Good God.
9:56: And Katie goes home. I’m sad to lose another girl, but the performance shows will be about 20% more in tune now.
9:57: Perfect song for the moment, but how can she sing “Let It Be” without sobbing? She sounds perilously close to veering off the cliff here, and I can’t blame her.
9:58: Holy wow, is Andrew’s son cute.
10:00: Well, congrats to America for getting it totally, 100% right this week. See you back here next week for the incredibly vague “inspirational” theme. Good night!