7:43: Good evening. b-rollers! Are we all excited for tonight’s performance show? Is everyone happy that Michael “Incredible Hulk” Lynche has another shot at the Idol crown (stop laughing)? Most importantly, are you all as consumed with delight as I am at the return of Glee? As much as I love Idol, 9:28 simply cannot come soon enough. (Why 9:28? No freaking clue. To flummox the DVRs of America, maybe? I dunno.) Back in 15 with live Idol thoughts!
8:00: We open with the contestants lined up on the Ryan Seacrest Memorial Staircase. Interesting. And “THIS…is AMERICAN IDOL!!”
8:02: Who goes all the way to an Idol taping bringing signs for Simon? Are the contestants really that underwhelming this season? Don’t answer that.
8:03: Ooh, an Elvis night following a Lennon-McCartney night? Well played, Idol. The b-roll iPod heartily approves.
8:04: I know it might seem hypocritical to like Adam Lambert and blast Miley Cyrus as mentors, but you know what? He’s wildly talented and brutally honest. So methinks he’ll be a seriously good mentor.
8:05: I personally think Adam’s hairdo is less Elvis, more cockatoo. Just my personal opinion.
8:08: I have no comment for that moment. Just raucous laughter.
8:09: Kara is either grooving to the song or mesmerized by Crystal’s sparkly guitar. You can’t turn that into a tunic, Kara. Desist.
8:10: Loved the song choice and performance. My one worry – now that the judges’ save is off the table – is that Crystal sang an unrecognizable song in the opening slot. Normally spells trouble, no?
8:12: Oh, now we get the female-pillow sequel to the first (creepy) Vitamin Water commercial. The original commercial didn’t exactly scream out for a counterpoint. I remain baffled by this ad campaign.
8:15: I didn’t have time to observe this earlier – Ryan’s “talented tongue” comment diverted my attention, not surprisingly – but the news that Tim is singing “Can’t Help Falling in Love” is troubling-to-horrifying.
8:16: I love how Ryan mentions how tense it was for Andrew last week without mentioning that Ryan himself was responsible for every ounce of tension.
8:18: “Andrew left me wanting more.” Welcome to our world, Adam.
8:19: The old-school mic is the only thing I’m liking about this performance. I can appreciate reinvention, but turning “Hound Dog” into a big-band jam just ain’t working, dude.
8:20: Not that my assessment was gentle, but that was pretty brutal, Dawg.
8:22: Did Ellen really like this, or is she remembering that HE’S TRYING TO MAKE A BETTER LIVE FOR HIS CHILD?!?!?!
8:23: Hard to tease “What song will Tim sing?” when Adam already told us. Not a good night for Ryan so far.
8:28: I rarely like falsetto. I really hope this isn’t a trainwreck.
8:29: Um, is Ryan waltzing in the aisle with a large man, or am I seeing things?
8:30: Tim doesn’t take Adam’s advice, but that was really quite lovely. Color me stunned. Tim has done a terrific job of finding his zone. Nicely done.
8:31: b-roll roommie: “Watch Tim get kicked off this week.” I could totally see that happening. Which would be a shame – Tim’s earned his spot in the Top 7.
8:32: Apparently I wasn’t seeing things: Ryan was dancing with past contestant Michael Sarver. And I am now terribly excited for Entertainment Weekly’s “from the audience” recap tomorrow.
8:33: I can’t help it – I adore Burger King’s “it’s not that original, but it’s super affordable!” commercial. I know I mentioned it last week, but this kind of honesty-in-advertising deserves multiple shout-outs.
8:36: You know what’s irritating? When everyone in the Kit Kat commercial is a size 0 actress. Yeah, I’m sure they take Kit Kat breaks frequently.
8:37: Okay, Andrew, this is the way you change up an Elvis tune. Awesome.
8:38: Hey, a Ricky Minor close-up!
8:39: Nicely done, Lee. On pitch and everything. Quick question, though: Why does Kara think that the noun “fire” is an adjective this season? She keeps saying that the vocal was “fire.” I think those comments are stupidity.
8:42: Aaron looks a bit terrified, doesn’t he?
8:43: How do you sing “Blue Suede Shoes” without actually wearing blue suede shoes? That should be a slam dunk, no?
8:44: This is very good, but still ever-so-slightly High School Musical.
8:45: No, Ellen, that is not Elvis’ most iconic song. It’s a classic, but “Jailhouse Rock”? “Love Me Tender”? Ringing any bells?
8:48: Taking a few moments to heat up a Lean Cuisine pizza for dinner. I know – I’ve got the world on a string. Please stand by, b-rollers.
8:51: And Siobhan unveils yet another hairstyle. I’m curious to see how much more mileage she can get out of this gimmick.
8:53: When Adam Lambert said “it was a huge compliment” to be compared to Siobhan, two out of three of us in Casa b-roll initially thought that he meant it was a huge honor for her. Thankfully, it appears Adam’s ego is not yet that out of control.
8:54: This is nicely sung, but, to use the judges’ dreaded critique, rather “karaoke.” Better on the back end than the front, though.
8:56: Between Simon’s “high school” comment for Aaron and the judges’ preferring the second half of Siobhan’s performance, I feel like I am of one mind with them tonight. This is unsettling. I need a reset button.
8:57: That was a very polite, eloquent defense. Which is unusual on Idol.
9:01: Two pieces of cheese, two pieces of chicken, two pieces of bacon. Well done, KFC. I wonder why the terrorists hate us.
9:02: b-roll roommie Jen: “You should do a Glee countdown on your blog!” Done. 26 minutes, b-rollers!
9:03: A Dunkelman joke? That was exceptionally harsh, Seacrest.
9:05: This was a very pretty rendition, Big Mike. Since the judges are being short, I shall too, in the spirit of unity.
9:06: Wow, way to make it seem like you favor net neutrality when you totally don’t, AT&T. This message brought to you by b-roll’s liberal conscience.
9:12: You know what we’re missing this week? A didgeridoo. I miss Ernie.
9:14: Excellent (if delightfully inappropriate to a 17-year old contestant) comment there, Ellen.
9:15: I don’t love Katie and I don’t think this was the very best of the night, but I do think it was her best performance so far. It was the most on-pitch, so kudos for that.
9:19: 9 minutes until Glee! Delighted anticipation rising…
9:20: And the whole cast of Glee is IN THE AUDIENCE. In case we all weren’t aware that Glee was returning tonight thanks to the 8 million commercials Fox has aired.
9:21: Ryan concludes his bizarre evening by faux-choking a young girl in the mosh pit. I have no idea what he’s sipping on commercial breaks, but please keep it away from the underage contestants.
9:22: Casey’s growing on me, and not just because he is adorable. He’s really picked up his game over the past few weeks, in my humble opinion.
9:23: Somehow the judges’ critiques are even harsher when they’re delivered in nutshell version.
9:24: Thoughts before I disappear into Glee-world: My two favorites, Crystal and Casey, interestingly picked more obscure tunes from the Elvis playbook and rocked them (I thought). Tim shocked me by being really good. Lee was quite excellent. Katie and Aaron were better than expected. Siobhan was slightly below expectation, Michael slightly above. Andrew, well…yeesh. Goodbye, son. And who else? I dunno…maybe Katie or Aaron? At this point, I’m rooting for a Crystal-Casey-Lee, bluesy-rock final three (please excuse the unfortunate rhyme).
See you tomorrow evening!