8:50: Gearing up for the Idol results show this evening here at Casa b-roll. Now, as previously stated, I don’t particularly enjoy the Idol results shows – too much Ryan, too little music – and I hate the suspense of not knowing who America (potentially stupidly) voted off. But I shall forge ahead, faithful readers. See you in 10 minutes.
9:00: And we’re opening with a “Dream” montage! And that ties into the Stones because, well, I don’t know.
9:02: Ryan enters by way of another staircase. Why does he feel the need to enter via staircase every single show?
9:04: I like Simon setting up a personal space boundary. How very British.
9:05: If the judges use their save on Tim Urban, I am FREAKING DONE.
9:06: David Cook! Singing the Stones! Please, God, make this in lieu of a Top 12 group performance. Does this make anyone else nostalgic for the days when Idol was, you know, good?
9:07: That was fun. Could he sing “Hello” next? That was always my favorite David Cook performance.
9:10: How would the Kris Allen Ford commercials be different if Adam Lambert had won? Besides copious amounts of eyeliner? I think that instead of a casual vibe, there’d be a screeching car chase. Thoughts?
9:11: Allow me to take a moment to plead with Subway: Please, for the love of God, retire the “5 dollar foot long” jingle. I’m begging you.
9:14: Oh good, the first Ford commercial of the year. Let’s take a moment to pause and ask: Why, again?
9:15: Ironically, I want to buy a Ford less now. This is an excruciating amount of pimping.
9:17: Paige is in the bottom 3. Yeah, that makes sense. Even though it’s a week too late.
9:18: I never want to hear Snooki’s name mentioned on this show again. Let’s not extend her 15 minutes, okay? Thanks.
9:20: If Justin Timberlake wasn’t already in a deep depression due to the Aaron Kelly comparisons, Randy’s impression of JT’s “tender moments voice” ought to do the trick.
9:21: And Tim joins Paige in the Bottom 3. Again – America finally gets it right. Now let’s send Lacey or Katie to join them and we’ll be all set, yeah?
9:25: A passenger in this Southwest Airlines commercial looked disarmingly like Peyton Manning. Or maybe I’m just confused because Manning is in every commercial in the history of ever.
9:26: Didn’t Orianthe sing this exact same song on a So You Think You Can Dance results show last summer? There’s some audience crossover, guys. Be aware.
9:28: This song does not get more entertaining the second time around.
9:29: I’d like my own wind machine to follow me around. I wonder how expensive that would be.
9:32: While surfing the web on this commercial break, I just saw the following headline: “Kendra Wilkinson Done With Body Painting.” Really, world? This is news? Dear God.
9:34: Wait, Didi got emotional last night? Color me surprised.
9:37: Crystal is safe. That is really all I cared about. Thank God.
9:38: Is the show running long tonight? Because there is a lot of talking. Ryan is making this terribly interactive and I am LOSING. INTEREST.
9:39: Kara to Katie: “One of your biggest issues is pitch. You have real issues with that.” I’m not even going to comment further. I think it’s all there.
9:40: So Big Mike will be safe (duh), and it’ll be down to Casey and Lacey. I have a hard time believing that the hot guy will be on the empty stool of doom.
9:42: My roommate Monisha: “I’m okay with any one of them going home.” AMEN.
9:43: Attention juvenile girls of America: STOP VOTING FOR TIM. This is going to be Sanjaya all over again, isn’t it?
9:46: Nice try, Toyota. “Thanks for coming! We’ll try not to murder you this time!”
9:48: 3 seconds into Ke$ha’s performance and I already feel dumber. I heard her talking recently about how real artists sing live. I can see her point: this song is really a vocal masterpiece.
9:50: When you bring in white boy rappers, the song’s in big trouble.
9:51: I think we can now officially classify that as three minutes of our lives that we just won’t get back. Well done to everyone involved. Blah Blah Blah indeed.
9:55: And…Lacey will sing for the save. Um, yeah. She will not at all be saved. Sorry, sweetie.
9:57: What exactly do we think the judges are talking about right now? It’s certainly not saving Lacey. I think Randy and Simon are comparing cars. “Yo, I just bought a Bentley, dawg.” “No way!”
9:59: Goodbye, Lacey. Thanks for the, uh, memories.
Well, that was fun-ish. And either I didn’t catch next week’s performance theme or Ryan forgot to tell us while he was chatting awkwardly with the contestants. Here’s hoping it’s something good. Until then!