If you read my television post last week – that 8 million-word chronicle of my viewing habits – you know that I am an Idol fan. It’s really a fantastic show on which to pass judgment – terrified, fame-hungry teenagers screwing up repeatedly, it’s like gold – so I’ll start live-blogging the results show next week, once we get to the Round of 12. Until then, here are some thoughts on the girls’ performances in the last week of semifinals. Tomorrow night – the (less talented) guys!

Katie: Singing Kelly Clarkson’s “Breakaway” – great song, lousy performance. This seems like a good time to mention that when someone sings out of tune on the show, I feel physical pain in my spine. Keep that in your memory bank; it will come up repeatedly. Also – her pants seem to be made of a denim/snakeskin hybrid that is, um, unique. I loved Simon’s critique: “You kind of sucked…the energy out of the room.” No no, that thought didn’t have to be finished. All right, now I’m just  mercilessly mocking a teenager. Allow me to take a moment to feel badly about that…okay. Moving on.

Siobhan: “House of the Rising Sun” – Wow, this girl is quirky. And damn it all, can she sing. I’m not loving her secretarial look, though – the red pencil skirt doesn’t quite scream “modern pop star.” There were a couple of bum notes, but she really made that her own. Dawg. Crap, now Randy’s in my head. OUT!

Lacey: “The Story” – Whoa, is someone singing a Brandi Carlile song! And Randy knows who Brandi Carlile is? Wait, do I have to respect his opinion now? Anyway – there were some painful notes in the opening, but considering her version of “Landslide” caused me great anguish two weeks ago, this was quite an improvement. Not the expected train wreck; more of a slight delay.

Katelyn: “I Feel the Earth Move” – This girl is…groovy. However – per Monisha’s commentary, “This song is very ’70s. And it feels that way when she’s singing it.” True enough. She sang it okay, but it was a really weird choice. Randy: “I like how you did the Carole King hair.” Uh – that’s her NORMAL HAIR. You’re getting paid for this, dawg – better criticism, please. This was not a wildly atrocious vocal, though; I’m not sure why the judges are hating so badly.

Didi: “Rhiannon” – Fleetwood Mac is right in this girl’s wheelhouse. It’s a little sleepy, but very well-sung. I really like her Ingrid Michaelson vibe, as evidenced by her “The Way I Am” performance a couple weeks ago. Now if someone could teach the judges who Ingrid Michaelson is, that would be delightful. Also, she’s pretty and her outfit works; she’s very deserving of the Paula Abdul Memorial “You look great tonight” critique.

Paige: Attention world: “Smile” is one of the greatest songs in the history of ever. Turning it into a lounge-lizard samba is bordering on blasphemous, and it wasn’t even well-sung. At all. Randy just said all of this as I completed my thought; WHY AM I SO IN HARMONY WITH THE DAWG TONIGHT? I feel less sane. Anyway, the judges’ table was, rightfully, a murderers’ row. That was hard to watch.

Crystal: “Give Me One Reason” is an absolutely perfect choice. Crystal’s so laid-back in interviews, and then she gets onstage and morphs into Janis Joplin. Unreal. If she doesn’t make Top 5, I will pitch a crazed tantrum. Although Simon saying it’s “hers to lose” is rather terrifying; it’s like the Sports Illustrated jinx of reality television.

Lilly: “I Fall to Pieces” – Is she playing an electric ukulele? (No, an electric mandolin. Thanks dawg!) This arrangement is very…odd. I like this song choice better in theory than in practice; I don’t think she’s quite a good enough singer to pull it off. But I like her style. Kara: “You made Patsy Cline feel current.” If “onstage at a luau for tourists in Maui” means current then okay, sure; it was current. But since Kara’s percentage of stupid words is shockingly low tonight, I’ll give her a pass.

So – that was an interesting night! The show was mighty rushed but I kinda love that; Fox gets less time to pimp and the contestants get more time to, you know, sing. Predictions: Paige and Katie, I’m sorry but you are out. Auf wiedersehen.

Thoughts?